Getting Off the Treadmill. . .Again

Right before my very eyes, this time off from my job is fulfilling one of my goals:  self-development.  To learn about my crazy self and make changes where possible.  To be consciously aware of what I get tripped up about.  Hopefully make some inroads towards doing things a little better.  So I can be one teeny tiny piece of decent on this earth.

And I cannot be one teeny tiny piece of decent when I am stressed out, frustrated and tired.  When I am stressed out, frustrated and tired, I am big, ugly and self-centered.  How can I possibly be stressed out, frustrated and tired, you ask, when I (voluntarily and gladly) don't have a job?  Well, it seems to have absolutely nothing to do with working or not working.  It just has to do with who I am.  

The good news is, I can change!  

I was on the crazy career treadmill.  No big surprise there.  That's where this story begins.  So I quit.  I am confused, but start to feel much better.  I am relieved, feel so happy.  Am enjoying everything.  I think what clued me in to this ability to stress myself out despite giving myself permission to take it easy was my waking moments.  I was waking up between 5 a.m.-ish and 6 a.m.-ish for the first couple of months after I quit.  At first, I was like, "what gives?"  Then I just accepted I was an early riser.  I always had a smile on my face in the morning.  Happy.  Refreshed.  How could you not smile at this?????

Okay, maybe only a face only a mama could love.  My point is, in the past week, I have had to set my alarm.  I have woken up exhausted, cranky and frustrated.  There is no reason for me to be feeling that way.  I am doing that to myself.  I am taking on too much stuff, both externally and in my head.  This time is to enjoy, explore and create.  Not get back into the same exact frame of mind I was in three months ago.

So, I am feel extremely fortunate that I have recognized that I do this to myself (take on a lot of stuff).  I am going to slow down.  Do things I want to be doing.  I am going to get off the treadmill. . .again.  This is exactly what this time is for.