The Moment

This time off from my job is about learning about myself so I can be a fulfilled member of the world and give to others. Finding what I love to do. Otherwise, I am just a cog in the wheel, not contributing much. I just didn't realize how the learning was going to happen. I thought I would quit, take a couple of classes, travel, find my new career, give back, and be happy. There happens to be a whole bunch of steps in between that apparently are going to occur in ways that I least expected. And not very glamorous ways. They may seem petty, but to me, they are part of the process.

My lesson for today: Being in the moment.

Yesterday, I met a former colleague for lunch. We met downtown in the South Street Seaport, NYC where I had not been in years. I started my legal career as an associate down on Maiden Lane and I was thrilled to be down there again, although surprised it had not changed more. After lunch, I made a beeline for my usual route I would take -- the one I took 11 years ago! -- when I would walk through the Seaport. Past certain stores, down on the wharf, down particular streets. It was like my feet were on auto-pilot. I chided myself for not exploring, for doing the usual. So, I decided to wander around. I found delightful little shops, a terrific pet store, wonderful new restaurants, etc. I felt like a tourist in a new city. Then I felt like I was wasting time and needed to get, wait, where?? I had nowhere to be. My point is, I have a constant battle in my head between trying to enjoy the time but being productive and moving forward. I am learning to go from 110 mph to 20 mph. The best moment, however, was feeling free and excited like a tourist.

The battle continued when I woke up this morning and the first thing that came to mind was whether I should get up at 5:45 a.m. or "sleep in" (which would probably be until 6:15 or so -- I am an early riser). I seriously was batting this around in my mind. The earlier I got up, the more of the day I would have. But, this is supposed to be time off. Time for sleeping in (7:00?). When would I ever get to do this again? My answer was clear, I was getting up because I "thought" myself awake with these absurd musings. I could not believe these were my thoughts. My first thoughts in the morning. I realized the needless chaos I was creating in my head. I got out of bed and embraced the day in all its glory. I truly was excited for the day. My dog, Bridgette, a Brussels Griffon, was there with her usual big, brown eyes and wagging little stubby tail. She certainly did not have this battle going on in her head. She was in the moment. She just wanted some love, to give some love, and to go to the park.

I realize the childishness of my thoughts. I realize there are people experiencing serious problems with life changing issues at the moment I was stressing about whether I was enjoying the Seaport. Or worried about what time to wake up. Which is why I was able to move on and be grateful to even wake up. To put my feet on the floor. To quiet the chatter.

My favorite part of the day is an early morning walk with Bridgette to Central Park. I get a coffee, I let Bridgette off her leash, take my first sip and am conscious of the cool morning air. It is, well, just a moment. But it is a magical moment. I feel so lucky to be in it. I will try to continue to enjoy the moments.